I am weak of late. Sure, there was a bout with an actual illness. Fires in the local area caused sinus pressure that caused insomnia that caused sinus infection that resulted in three days of drifty drousing. But more than that there has been a complete lack of focus in the things that I have been doing.
As they say, out of danger, out of work.
I'm not sure anyone says that. But someone should. It is so much easier to get on and about life and the important things in life when you feel pressured and afraid of what will happen if you don't. But eventually you will lose focus and start doing whatever to pass the time and fill the void in your life left by not spending nearly enough time doing what is important.
As always I know in my head and in my heart what I want and the path I must take to get there. Which in no way stops me from taking the wrong and stupid paths because it is late, and I am tired.
I harp on people being too weak and simple for their, or anyone else's, good rather often. But for all that bravado and nay saying I am aware that it takes too much effort to be anything but. And I will not fault people for being unable to keep up the effort necessary to be decent.
It isn't just exhausting but outright haunting.
And to sleep one must be free of worry, and to be truly awake one must be constantly full of it. So we cycle daily between having the energy to make a difference and being too beaten down to care.
And I'm not sure we could function any other way.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
Entry 9 September 7, 2009
Night. Night. Night.
Anything that can be done can also be done in the still of darkness. There is something warm there. Something comforting. Something primal. However you might come to the night, it is always waiting for you.
But it may not always be a place that you want to be.
Night is a menace and night is a friend. Night is an entity that truly is the opposite of the day and though it may not always be for some it will always be there for others. In a world where the concept of diametric opposites is too often a device of politics and bad psychology the night stands as a proper other.
It defines itself through what it is not. And because you can count on it to be definitive it will always remain hard and distant but universally inviting and inevitable.
I'm not certain where the world will take me in the future but I know that the night will be waiting to great me with silence.
I'm fascinated by the night because it is the place I spend the largest portion of my free time. Many of us do. Yes, you are unconscious and sometimes vividly hallucinating during that time but it is still and it is yours. It is ours.
The thoughts that one develops while slogging through the night are what forces us to act through the day light times when the sun beats the ground and actions become reality.
Entering the night with a sense of disquiet and buzzing behind the eyes and in the ears is as likely as the quiet and stillness. The night is teeming the same way that it is dead. There are no guarantees about how you will find yourself but at the same time you cannot hope but to be there long enough to discover something new.
Of course, the night also ends over time and I will take a cue from that and stop.
Editing is a task for the day, and this was less than composed as the darkness pressed around and the stillness without worked its way within more slowly then I hoped.
Anything that can be done can also be done in the still of darkness. There is something warm there. Something comforting. Something primal. However you might come to the night, it is always waiting for you.
But it may not always be a place that you want to be.
Night is a menace and night is a friend. Night is an entity that truly is the opposite of the day and though it may not always be for some it will always be there for others. In a world where the concept of diametric opposites is too often a device of politics and bad psychology the night stands as a proper other.
It defines itself through what it is not. And because you can count on it to be definitive it will always remain hard and distant but universally inviting and inevitable.
I'm not certain where the world will take me in the future but I know that the night will be waiting to great me with silence.
I'm fascinated by the night because it is the place I spend the largest portion of my free time. Many of us do. Yes, you are unconscious and sometimes vividly hallucinating during that time but it is still and it is yours. It is ours.
The thoughts that one develops while slogging through the night are what forces us to act through the day light times when the sun beats the ground and actions become reality.
Entering the night with a sense of disquiet and buzzing behind the eyes and in the ears is as likely as the quiet and stillness. The night is teeming the same way that it is dead. There are no guarantees about how you will find yourself but at the same time you cannot hope but to be there long enough to discover something new.
Of course, the night also ends over time and I will take a cue from that and stop.
Editing is a task for the day, and this was less than composed as the darkness pressed around and the stillness without worked its way within more slowly then I hoped.
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